Cooler weather is here!

It’s Fall and the weather has been much better! I am already making plans to get outdoors and take some pictures soon!

I haven’t been writing on my blog as much as I should be, and I guess you could say I’m kind of backed up right now. I went on vacation recently and haven’t written about that. I also have a lot to say about a bag of old film I never developed from about 11 to 12 years ago. I should’ve started writing about that along time ago and now I have too much to say, got to make time for that.

My birthday is also in a couple days and I really don’t have any plans, but I do have a lot to say about where I am in life now.

Here’s a picture of my cat!


Triple digits for the next few days. It’s wretched! I guess my plants like it, that’s the only good thing. But I don’t want to go outside when it’s hot. I don’t want to go to the gym after work, I subject myself to a miserable commute when I do. Not to mention all the nature I’m missing out on from hiding indoors. And I don’t want to go outside and take any pictures. No outdoor photography.

I’m writing this to remember when Autumn comes and the weather cools. I will take advantage.

I need to blog more, I am paying for this!

I paid for my domain and haven’t posted a single blog in two months!

The whole idea was to slip away from sharing my thoughts on Facebook and posting them more in a contained area. I caught myself doing otherwise. 😑 So I deleted all the posts off my Facebook wall. It was time consuming. I’ve done it before and it feels refreshing. So here I am, back again.

I have some updates.

My job is going well. It can still be a challenge at times but I am so much happier that I made that switch.

My cat is doing very well!

My lower back pain is pretty much gone! ❤️ I went to a cycling class at the gym around the end of May and it magically got better that night! I couldn’t believe it, but it’s almost the end of June and my back feels almost normal again! My knees still bother me sometimes, but I’m grateful my back is doing better because the back pain caused so much issues.

My plants…I need to dedicate an entire blog post about my plants. Some have been thriving and some decided, “I don’t like that, I shall die now.”

I go on a roller coaster vacation at the end of next month, so I am excited about that!

Also, thanks to my friend Spencer’s Mom, I was gifted a huge amount of art supplies that, I guess, she decided she didn’t want because she was over her art phase. Now I want to work on art and also have friends over for art and snacks.

There are some things I’ve wanted to do but I haven’t made time for it. Like early morning hiking, for example! I need to apply my time better, that’s for sure.

A career upgrade

I’ve been working for the same company for almost thirteen years. I’ve seen many changes in the small company since I first started, and things have noticeably plummeted within the last year. The sales/customer service office has always been a bit dysfunctional. Upper management tends to hire personal friends, or befriend new hires, and to always leads to favoritism and unprofessional behavior being allowed at work.

I go to work and I just work. I stay focused and can’t be bothered with gossiping and ridiculous conversations that I have no interest in. I take my work seriously because that’s what I get paid to do. It’s unfortunate to have to do more work because other people have the luxury to socialize all day and do minimal work for their paycheck. It’s gotten worse since the beginning of the year. The numbers have dropped and the owner has been sniffing around, trying to figure out what the problem is. We lost a lot of staff so the raining staff has been cross trained in different departments and made to work harder. Most area even denied overtime, so we must work harder within our 8 hours to get everything accomplished. It was frustrating to spend 100% of my time there, putting forward all my effort to keep things running smoothly, where others are relaxed and enjoying conversation. I was often left alone in the office.

I heard that the girl who does accounts receivables found another promising job, and I immediately stated my interest in the position. Luckily, I was able to start training that same day. It was hard for me to get time to train because I would have to rely on upper management to take care of things in the office while I was training, but I was able to get enough training in by the time I would be on my own. I officially took over the position a few days ago, and I love it! I now share an office with a woman who is a bit older than me, very professional and nice, and extremely knowledgeable about accounting. She has been very helpful. I’ve been very happy and my time spent at work is much more pleasant now. It’s nice to be a team with a hard working person rather than people who don’t care if you have to pick up their slack.

From my new office, I can still hear people not doing their job and I still see our numbers dropping. Who knows what the future holds for that company. It can’t be good if dysfunctional employees are putting their personal interests above the success of the company. Either way, I am happy to have something new on my resume, should I need to find a better job elsewhere!


Either way, I need self care.

I had to go to the ER yesterday for mysterious chest pains. I’d say I’ve had about five episodes of chest pains within the last two or three weeks, but it was so fleeting that I wasn’t too concerned. It was more like I was aware. But they really only lasted about 20 seconds. It wasn’t such a pain that I struggled with it, it was more of a pulsating feeling with a light pain that simply let me know it was there. I was concerned, of course. It would sometimes happen at work when I am sitting at my desk, but most of the time when I was relaxing in bed.

But yesterday was different. I was at work, extremely busy. It’s been that way lately. The owner has been trying out new things and making changes, but it actually seems like he’s trying to give his employees ulcers and run his business into the ground. It’s the classic case of having a skeleton crew and working them into the ground, also compromising the integrity of the company. It’s been extremely stressful, but I have been pretty good about pushing on and sweeping my stress under the carpet just to get the job done. It doesn’t always help that my other office coworker is friends with upper management and can get away with doing less work and focusing more on personal matters, such as gossip, her cell phone, and anything else she feels like doing that isn’t work.

Anyways, back to my episode yesterday. I was taking and making a lot of calls, multitasking, and the chest pains happened again. My chest also felt tight, my hands felt slightly cold and tingly, and it started making me feel anxious. I felt weak and wondered what would happen if all of this lead to me losing consciousness at work. I wanted to take a break so I could process what was happening to me and relax to see if these sensations went away. But the phone was still ringing, my coworker was busy arguing for almost an hour with her bank about a missing deposit on company time, and I didn’t know where my manager was. I tried to keep working and ignore it, and it was unfair that I couldn’t just immediately create some space for myself to deal with my chest pain. I started getting more upset and anxious, and finally my manager walked into the office. I decided I needed to leave. I told her I was having chest pains and I should go. She seemed concerned and said of course I could leave, and I should call the doctor. I called the advice nurse in my car and she said go to the emergency room.

My chest pain went away on my way to the ER, but I needed to make sure I was okay. I got an EKG, some blood tests, and a chest X-ray. Thankfully, the tests they ran for my heart all came back good! I was very relieved. The doctor told me that she suspects my chest pain has been due to either acid reflux or stress. She asked if I eat a lot of acidic things, and I said not particularly. She told me to take note if I get chest pains again, and keep what I ate in mind. Honestly, I don’t even experience any of the other symptoms of acid reflux, so I am not going to dwell on that unless it’s further looked into by my doctor. As for stress, I told her I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I am well aware that I usually sweep it under the rug. Most of my stress is from work! The only other things I have stressed over lately is my cat, and then I had to spend money on my car recently because one of my windows was having issues. Perhaps I believe I can mentally handle my stress, but maybe my body is tired of suppressing it.

And why wouldn’t my job be the main source of this stress? The fact that I felt I was too busy working to take a time out and concentrate on my chest pains is a sign of how stressful my job is. I had to make the decision to put myself first when I shouldn’t have even had to decide. I should have just walked away from the desk once I knew something was wrong and just left the damn phone to ring and ring. But no, I have to be too responsible and can’t let things in the office fall apart. Why should I even care that much at my own expense. Everyone else shits on that place, why should I allow myself to stress the way I do?

I am supposed to follow up with my doctor about my ER visit soon. I don’t know for certain what has been triggering the chest pains, but I do know I am stressed. The doctor said I should definitely spend more time on self care. I will because I don’t do it enough. And I should do so without explanation.